Aham Prema Take 2

 Sunday, 2/23/25

Today, I recited the Aham Prema mantra at home, along with a Zoom recording of the mantra recitation from yoga teacher Barbara. I closed my eyes for some of it, and I sat near a sliding door that faces our backyard. I often sit there when I meditate, as I can look out at the trees, the sky, and the snow covering the grass during this winter season. I sit on the floor, to feel rooted and grounded. 

The funny thing is that the yoga teachers confided that you'll find yourself humming or reciting the "Aham Prema" meditation in your head during times outside of meditation and that is already happening with me. I began reciting in the shower, and as I was washing dishes. The Dev Premal youtube video is one that I enjoy listening to, and it's the one I heard in the studio yesterday. The rhytmn of the mantra is fluid and easy. The words sound soothing, while even if you're not reflecting on the meaning, you know it means "Divine Love." 

I may not have felt as close to the yoga community while chanting alone this morning as I did in person, yet I know that others are practicing too, and others are on the journey with me. 

I have not yet shared my first piece of writing about Aham Prema, while I'm writing this now. I feel wary about what I want to share and what I should keep under wraps. I am guarded about my private, personal life when I make small talk with strangers and acquaintances, and I haven't thought about how much I want to share. Also, I've realized some things about others who I thought were good, kind people. I worry about sharing too much, lest someone else use that information to try to manipulate my emotions or cause me or my loved ones' pain or problems. 

Self consciousness plagues me, though I feel like writing is one of my gifts and I often don't use it enough for self-expression. I actually teach writing for self-expression but that doesn't mean it's easy to incorporate in a busy life, during which I'm trying to prioritize self-care, yoga practice, writing, a full time job, cleaning the house, and you know. . .all of that. Self-consciousness makes it easy to say, "No, no reads blogs anymore." That inner voice taunts, "You missed the boat on that one. Who cares what you have to say on this subject? It's not making a profit either, which is what you need." Yet, I know that each person's voice matters. I need to practice what I preach. So, I am using my writing muscles to remind myself of how my writer's voice is a valid, worthy contribution, even if the end results are intangible. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Aham Prema 12-13

 I did my mantra the last two days but not any writing to follow it.  In general, it's been a ritual, and I do feel there's value.  I've been thinking that I need to do less instead of more. I will plan to do more than is reasonable in a certain time frame or more than I should, I guess?  Yesterday, I used chat gpt to help me organize and prioritize my work tasks. I planned to stop at 2:30 and wanted that to be a hard stop. It was good because i did the most important stuff and didn't drift into finding new question slides or other stuff that isn't big priority. I didn't get caught up in email.   I spoke with my husband yesterday about making sure I preserve my energy. I have some overachiever tendencies but that's not a brag or a flex. I'm not necessarily doing well while I'm trying to do everything that needs doing and find myself e exhausted at 7pm and getting irritable because I haven't taken a moment to just *be.* Aside from meditation, of c...
Read more

Aham Prema Take 6

I kept up the ritual of doing my mantra meditation this morning. In a way, I doubled down by putting on a video meditation for my students but I only listened and I kept working. There are never enough hours in the day. And especially on Fridays, I don't want to work late.    I am humming or thinking Aham Prema to myself when I'm doing ordinary tasks. I found another chanting version of Aham Prema that also has flute music and sounds beautiful.   I feel like there are other people or energies out there that I struggle to manage because I feel that toxic energy of theirs, pulling at me in it's black, swirling mass like sticky, hot tar mixed with vapor, so that if clings to the air and my soul bristles at it.    I want to protect my energy. Sometimes I wish for an invisible shield. Sometimes I think about the psalm about the Lord as shepherd, my shepherd: thy rod and thy staff guiding and guarding me. Leading me to green pastures.    Does it always ...
Read more