Aham Prema 12-13

 I did my mantra the last two days but not any writing to follow it. 

In general, it's been a ritual, and I do feel there's value. 

I've been thinking that I need to do less instead of more. I will plan to do more than is reasonable in a certain time frame or more than I should, I guess? 

Yesterday, I used chat gpt to help me organize and prioritize my work tasks. I planned to stop at 2:30 and wanted that to be a hard stop. It was good because i did the most important stuff and didn't drift into finding new question slides or other stuff that isn't big priority. I didn't get caught up in email. 

 I spoke with my husband yesterday about making sure I preserve my energy. I have some overachiever tendencies but that's not a brag or a flex. I'm not necessarily doing well while I'm trying to do everything that needs doing and find myself e exhausted at 7pm and getting irritable because I haven't taken a moment to just *be.* Aside from meditation, of course. 

Being a perfectionist or overachiever doesn't mean that my house is always clean, or that I'm super organized, or two weeks ahead on my lessons. No, no, no. 

It means I see the smudges making the glass cloudy on windows. I see the floor and my eyes find the crumbs I didn't pick up when I last swept. I see where I've failed to manage it all. After working on creating instructional slides for two hours, I might have it how I want it to look but wish I could've got it done faster and better. 

So, on days when I actively plan to only do certain things and accomplish them and don't go back for seconds, trying to take on more in my free time, I have to give myself credit for that. I have to say, yeah, that's how it's supposed to be. Not* pushing myself to emotional and physical exhaustion, only to think sadly that it's never enough. 

See, I want to prioritize my health by cooking or baking lot of our food. I also want to do yoga, meditate, write, clean, organize, and declutter (*just* because the mess gets to me, not that I enjoy cleaning). 

I want to walk outside in the sunshine with my son for an hour. 

I want to color with my colored pencils, pens, and markers. I want to read hundreds of pages and write stories. If even for myself, to see what I can write. I want to try new things. And that's not all. I want to prioritize time with my family. And more. . . I'm like Veruca Salt in my wants. 

I am divine love. To love myself means to chose to do less sometimes while being happy with myself for what I can do. To stop pushing myself and rest before I'm too tired to do anything else is part of *loving* myself. 

To create reasonable expectations for myself is a loving act and being content with what I've done instead of lamenting all I could not do. 

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