Aham Prema Day 4

 I did the mantra the same way this morning, along with the youtube video of Dev Primal singing "Aham Prema." What I noticed as I chanted: the look and feel of the beads as I passed one bead after another through my fingers. I noticed their resemblance to green peas. 

There is no room for worry when your mind and voice are chanting a mantra, and your haands busy with telling the beads. 

I feel awkward with the japa mala beads, though I learned from Eat Pray Love that the Holy War crusaders introduced this tradition AS rosary beads. So, essentially, the mala beads were rebranded as rosary and became--at some point--a Catholic thing. Since I grew up in the Catholic faith (not intensely but mild-to-medium Catholic), rosary beads aren't unusual to me. There is nothing "woo woo" or new agey about rosary beads. Nothing that might provoke laughter or ridicule. 

Chanting along with the song and the flute music, I feel self-conscious. Even by alone in my home, though my family may not be surprised or find it so out of character to pop in and find mom sitting in front of the window, chanting like a monk in the abbey. 

Is that weird? I know it's out of my comfort zone but that's the point. I want healing in a big way. I want to be whole, balanced, and happy. I need to counteract the culture that we're living in by finding spaces to breathe, habits that are more meaningful than scrolling through social media, because I feel too tired to do anything else. I'm getting more comfortable with silence and seeing what I can discover when I'm not constantly distracted. We live in a world that is so much more distracting, it feels like, than when I was growing up. It's hard to detach and live simply. 

I'm stalling out here so I'll get back to my experience chanting this morning: I noticed the song of the flutes, the notes cartwheeling and lifting up and down, playfully echoing the lyrical chanting. There is a particular sweetness to the flute's song. 

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