Aham Prema 16-17

 I am divine love. Divine ❤️. Not I am loved or I am divinely loved, but I. AM. DIVINE. LOVE. I embody it: I am made up of divine love. 

This phrase calls to mind what I've learned through Catholicism about Jesus being wholly divine yet also wholly human. And that God so loved the world, Jesus was sent here as the embodiment of divine love. 

We each possess unique gifts and are so frail and vulnerable in our humanity. Our bodies are susceptible to illness, injury, and so much harm. Our hearts and our egos are equally frail and we give others way too much power over ourselves. It can happen unconsciously. It can happen as children. 

 I thought about my younger self today. That me that had golden curls that would swing on my trapeze bar on the swingset. I remember being joyful. I believe I was an outgoing little girl, when I was small--2, 3, 4,5. I would guess around 7 or 8 was when the weight of the world begin to reach its hands down and press them against my shoulders. The emotions and the pain, even if they weren't mine, were oddly also mine. 

I played and imagined and read and came up with stories. I was a lucky child in many ways. I was also an old soul. I felt older, and even wiser than my peers; not that I felt smarter than them or superior but like my world weary eyes had seen things that other kids had *not.* Do I understand this phenomenon? No, but it's nice to put it in words to help me understand. I felt like more of a freak or outsider when I was in elementary school and was old enough to have cried tears that weren't even mine. To feel so much anger that I ripped a doll's head off---a huge sin that I was ashamed of for years-- but looking back, I wonder where all that anger came from? And why I didn't feel like it was ok. I felt like a monster and I was just a child. 

I'm a person who processes through talking and writing; words unlock all that is within me in a way that nothing else can. 

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