Aham Prema 18-20?

 I'm not totally sure about the timing but I think tomorrow is Day 21. I said the mantra this morning. I started to play one of the video recordings that the yoga studio owner shared but then I went to the song version on YouTube. I don't have the "Aham Prema" in my head on a loop; however, yesterday in yin yoga, we did a long savasana and I started reciting Aham Prema to occupy my mind. I'm glad I went to yin yoga last night. After yoga, especially yin, I feel lighter. I feel freer and more like myself. A version of myself that I like and one that isn't so anxiously guarded. 

I used the Aham Prema while visiting the dentist as well. I keep count on my fingers when I think of the words in my head. I felt nervous about going to this new dentist and the hygentist noticed and commented that I looked nervous. Wonderful. I don't want it to be written all over my face but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by new places or anxious when I'm a new patient somewhere. I'm ok with feeling nervous because I know it's just a feeling and it will go away. What bothers me is that others notice something, maybe it's my eyes widening or I'm clutching my purse or *something* that makes it obvious. I know my hands shake, often in the morning, too. I find it hard to accept feeling shy, anxious about something I'm anticipating, and that I'm expressing some kind of fear. Fear of rejection maybe. I've heard emotions are like children; sometimes we reject sadness or anger because those feel like "bad" emotions. But they are all messengers telling us something important.  

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